Archive for November, 2005

not too positive

listening: NPR

Not feeling too positive.

Last weekend I made the heart wrenching decision to not find an apartment when I move back home. I asked my parents if I could move back in with them. Honestly, I don’t have the money to pay for my apartment currently, rent for ANOTHER apartment with a security deposit, my car, my cellphone and put gas in my car. I just don’t have the money. To be clear, to pay for my current apartment and find another apartment, the least it will cost me is $1800.00. That’s for an apartment in Keene that costs $600.00 per month, plus security deposit or first/last month rent. That wouldn’t even leave me a car payment much less money for food, gas, lights, heat, phone or cable.

Although I know this will be read, I am inclined to say that I am very upset with the lack of support I’m getting from the Gay Squad. I am sick of being lectured and chatised for my decision. And I know I’ll be 26 years old *gulp* next week *double gulp* but it’s what I need to do. I don’t mean to sound dramatic, but I am in dire straits right now. I can’t continue living without money (and no, I don’t have a crack habit). It is just upsetting that the two people who mean the whole world to me can’t be supportive. Or happy. Or at least have the sense to understand that this is embarressing and upsetting enough for me and I don’t need my two best friends being about as a supportive as an broken underwire bra. Six months will give me enough savings to pay off my student loans, save for a condo/house/whatever, pay off my credit cards, pretty much pay back my parents, pay down my car by almost half of what I owe and pay off all those piddly little bills that have been plaguing my credit report (some of which, let us remember, were not all incured by ME). And I resent the implication that I would react the same way if the tables were turned. I think it’s pretty damn frightening and presumptious for one to think that I would not be supportive if one of my dear friends made the choice to save some money and move back home. I don’t think it says a lot of our friendship that someone would think I would do that, as I have loaned money in the past to said person without any inkling of disdain or scorn. There is more I could say, but in the interest of not sounding like a bitch and saying things I will regret/delete later, I’m going to stop myself, take a deep breath and concentrate on more positive things–like saving $1000.00 a month.


Sorry. Anyways, pretty uneventful weekend. Woke up at 7am on Saturday and went to Dollar Bill‘s in Derry and got some Christmas shopping done. If you’re from the area, you’ll recognize “Dollar Bill” as the coked up, meth’d out guy with the dollar bill umbrella hat who airs these crazy infomercials at 4am on local TV. His store is like the mother of all dollar stores. I loved it. On the way home I stopped at the Grandview Flea Market in Derry and picked up a knock-off Pink Burberry purse for $10.00–godbless the black market. I’m also on vacation starting Thursday until Monday the 28th–YAHOO. No work and all play makes me very very happy.


Comments (1)

my name is mud

Have you ever had one of those days where you wake up and you know it’s just going to suck? That you should really just stay home?

I sometimes feel like I’ve wasted the last five years of my life. When you work with people for five years you think there is a comradarie, a rapport…and they kick you under the bus.

I want to go home.

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participation positives

+ being caught up at work–I mean REALLY caught up, not the caught up you tell yourself to make yourself think you’re caught up
+ Reading again and feeding my head. Currently finished ‘The Coldest Winter’ by Paula Fox and ‘Jesus Land’ by Julia Scheeres, which I actually just finished last night at about 1 am, sniffling and sobbing. It was fantastic. ‘The Coldest Winter’ was good, but quite short and I finished it in an aftenoon. I was going to go to B&N (which I hate, BTW. Borders is so much more organized!!) on my lunch break but I can’t find my debit card anywhere. I have ‘The Namesake’ at home, which I bought to read when I went to Europe, which was year ago this Saturday, so I think I’ll read that.
+ Cooking for my sister
+ Finding the song from the HBO commericial: John Butler Trio, What You Want. It’s on Rhapsody, ch-ch-check it out. I like it–a lot.
+ aimless shopping Saturday afternoon

My eyes are hurting again so I’m cutting this post short.


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