i feel unsteady


listening: lilac wine, grace, jeff buckley

Kind of a sad song tonight but I need something to calm down with.

Ah, where to start. My mind has been all over the place lately. Firstly, apologize for the ganj-heavy posts lately…it’s summer and I’m feeling it. Feeling the urge to be irresponsible and such. Not really work friendly so sorry in advance.

Amazing thunderstorm last night. I remember when I was at camp when I was 13 or 14, I was heading into the bathrooms one night and it got struck by lightning. The camp has lightning rods installed in all the buildings, so the air got all crackly and blue and orange with the loudest BOOM! I’ve ever heard. It was amazing. The tennis courts used to get hit all the time, shaking the ground and the cabins beside the courts. Why can’t grown ups still go to camp? I wish I could. But there are bills to be paid and careers to be forged…no time for sailing and 4-Square and jumping off the tower.

Work is crazy. We’re not that busy but there’s a huge amount of stress there. Only four months and four weeks before I move back home, back to a crazier, more stressful place–one that I miss dearly every damn day. I like it there. I know it’s loud and cramped but I honestly feel like that office is my home. My home with my family in it. Now all I have to do is find a place to live. Still very nervous. I compulsively look through the classifieds at the Sentinel, waiting for that two bedroom house with a deck and washer dryer hookup for $600.00 a month, all utilities included and why, yes! dogs are welcome! I know I’ll never find it…I’m just daydreaming. Everyone was very careful to point out when I was moving back from Manchester to Keene that it couldn’t be the same again. That I’m flighty and move compulsively. I just get the urge to go and I go–and I lived in Keene for FIVE YEARS. That’s not flighty. I stayed at the same job for FIVE YEARS, a job I am still working, against my better judgement because I f-ing love it. So now, because I hate Manchester and everyone in this city (except lovely #1 Jim), I want to move back to Keene. It will be different. I won’t have a roommate. I’ll be on my own. It will be interesting to see. I’m looking forward to it–can you tell?


Today is little Eddie Furlong’s birthday. What the hell is going on in this picture? Upon further investigation on IMDB, apparently Eddie played the Crow in the third OMG, FOURTH (THEY MADE FOUR OF THESE MOVIES!) installment of this almost good movie gone bad like bad cottage cheese in a car in August in Phoenix. Oh, that’s hilarious. Miss cottage cheese butt herself Tara Reid was also in it. And it got shitty reviews–shocker. Where the hell has Eddie been at lately? He did Pecker and dropped off the face of the Earth. And yes, I call him Eddie. In the years when Jonathan Brandis (RIP) and Neil Patrick Harris decorated my walls, I did tear one lone Eddie Furlong pinup from my Big Bopper and hung it on my wall, probably partially obscured by a Joey Lawrence. He’s not a bad actor, honestly. He just makes bad decisions. And has bad hair. Speaking of bad hair, Macy Gray is also “starring” and is being an “actress” in this “movie”. I bet she’s steller.


Macy should do antidrug commercials…she’d make a compelling arguement.

Speaking of Neil Patrick Harris…and ganj, I watched Harld and Kumar go to White Castle last night and I gotta say, it is really, really funny. Bathroom jokes are still funny to me at 25-almost-26. It’s my inner 12 year old boy. He’s a little pissant. And NPH is in it. And he’s still hot!

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