Archive for October, 2000

Have you ever gotten goosebumps after only the first note of a song?

Does your heart fill up with joy at the mere mention of a song?

It’s good to have you back, boys.

I’ve missed you so.

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I was informed today that if I called into work today, I would be put on the “No Rehire” list.

How will I live with this disappointment?

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sometimes i get so lost in my head i forget my way out

god help me i don’t want to use caps

penny is sniffing my down comforter, wondering what dog slept there last night.

it was her.

i am no longer overdrawn. 200 miraculously appeared in my account.

neil got a 1000 loan. he will not lose his lights.

i talked to the dean today about a leave of absence.

reading kath’s entry made me think of how opposite i am. i’m not a college girl. i have no interest in college right now. i could care less. i never wanted to go to college in the first place.

the dean interrupted my spiel with a “well, not right now. maybe later.”

maybe.

ah, my mother shall be crushed when she learns i will be dropping down to only two classes for the rest of the semester and then dropping out next year. my father always reminds me of ‘unconditional love’. i think my mother unconditionally loves me, she just will always unconditionally bitch about everything i do.

penny is snoring.

i’m going to bed.

“There is a voice inside of you

That whispers all day long,

“I feel that this is right for me,

I know that this is wrong.”

No teacher, preacher, parent, friend

Or wise man can decide

What’s right for you — just listen to

The voice that speaks inside.”

–Shel Silverstein “the voice” from ‘Falling Up’

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Anyone have $400 they can loan me til next month?

That’s right, folks…I am broker than broke.

My checkbook is horrendously overdrawn.

It looks the tempature reading in Antarctica.

On a really bad day.

There comes a point where there just isn’t anymore money.

And I’ve hit that point and I’m beginning to slide downhill.

Shit.

Well, another major league screwup from the Yankees of screwups, yours truly.

I’m moving out of my house and in with Neil since psychowomanroommatefromhell disappeared a few days ago with all her stuff. Adios, Meggie. It was nice almost knowing you. Of course, I have no money for rent.

Neil owes $800 in back electric bills.

And I come out looking like an irresponsible little moron whose parents are tired of bailing her out.

I need to float a lone from the Bank of MomandDad.

I’ve just got to live through this.

Is it Friday yet?

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“I feel good

it’s a fine day

the way the sun hits off the runway.

A cloud shifts

the plane lifts

she moves on.”

-Paul Simon

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How I feel right now:

“you know i really don’t look forward to seeing you again soon. you look like a photograph of yourself taken from far far away i won’t know what to do i won’t know what to say so fuck you…”

–Ani

I really don’t have anything else to say…except fuck you.

What else can I say?

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Leave it to Ani to say exactly what I want to scream….

think i’m going for a walk now

I feel a little unsteady

I don’t want noone to follow me

except maybe you

i could make you happy, you know

if you weren’t already

i could do a lot of things

and i do

tell you the truth i prefer the worst of you

too bad you had to have a better half

she’s not really my type

but i think you two are forever

and i have to admit, you’re perfect together

so fuck you

and your untouchable face

fuck you

for existing in the first place

and who am i

that i should be vying for your touch

who am i

bet you can’t even tell me that much

2:30 in the morning

my gas tank will be empty soon

neon sign on the horizon

rubbing elbows with the moon

safe haven of the sleepless

where the deep fryer’s always on

radio is counting down the top 20 country songs

out on the porch the fly strip is

waving like a flag in the wind

you know i really don’t look forward

to seeing you again soon.

you look like a photograph of yourself

taken from far far away

i won’t know what to do

i won’t know what to say

so fuck you…

and your untouchable face

fuck you

for existing in the first place

and who am i

that i should be vying for your touch

who am i

bet you can’t even tell me that much

see you and i’m so perplexed

what was i thinking

what will i think of next

where can i hide

in the back room there’s a lamp

that hangs over the pool table

and the fan that’s on it swings

gently side to side

there’s a changing constellation

of balls as we are playing

i see orion and say nothing

the only thing i can think of saying

is fuck you…

and your untouchable face

fuck you

for existing in the first place

and who am i

that i should be vying for your touch

who am i

bet you can’t even tell me that much

yeah who am i

you can’t even tell me that much.

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