Archive for July, 2000

This page might be a little fucked up for a week. I shall fix any other bugs when I get home from vacation on the sixth.


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Stuff I love:

1. Smoking in the summer time.

2. Boys, boys, boys.

3. “presents”

4. The way my dog snorts when she’s really happy.

5. Promotions.

6. Raises.

7. Clearly Canadian blackberry

8. Vacation.

9. The kindness of strangers.

10. Pulling a bad day out of the gutter.

I had a good day. Love you all.

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“The price of a memory is the memory of the sorrow it brings…”

-Counting Crows

Completely sums up these last few days.

I am still in love with C.

Why, you ask?

No friggin’ clue. It’s not like I’d ever act on it ever, it’s not like he’d notice or care. My whole life is like this.

I don’t know what to do about it.

Sometimes, sometimes, I don’t even care. It’s not right and never will be. I’m tired of so many wrongs. Don’t three wrongs make a right? Or a left? I’d settle for a left than another wrong.

Quite depressing, aren’t I? I don’t know anymore. I just want to run outside and scream and scream until I can’t scream anymore.

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What lack of content.

I’m so exciting, aren’t I? I just haven’t felt like writing lately, writing any thing, not even a hello. I got it in a funk yesterday after seeing someone (who shall remain nameless) and brought back every little insecurity and inhibition that I thought I had stuffed way down deep inside myself, convinced myself that I no longer was that way, wasn’t insecure, wasn’t the weak, weak little girl I used to be. Amazing how it can take out my mood in one fell swoop. You know, he probably didn’t even know I was in the car, and I take comfort in that. I don’t need to go back there. High school was way too hard and I don’t even want to think about it anymore.

So, this funk as resonated throughout my day. Maybe it’s just the weather: dull, dreary and the annoying kind of yucky wet. I drove home the long way, through Richmond, with ‘post’ blaring out of my speakers, totally lost in thought. I hardly remember the drive.

I took care of Maura’s dogs today (Tiff and Tia, a daschund and minidoberman). It was pretty fun. They’re neat little dogs, but personally, if I wanted something that small, I’d get a cat. Krissy was completely enthralled by them and followed Tia around in her weird little, cockeyed way. Penny hated them and wouldn’t leave my side. When we were sitting in the yard, she climbed in my lap as if to say “This is MY Jen, and don’t you even think about taking her away from me.” Penny and I have been having some hard times these last couple of days. She bit me when I was trying to trim her nails (one is really long and I’m afraid it’ll get all icky) and I gave her a little smack in complete and utter reflex. Of course I felt horrible, but there were hard feelings between the both of us, and she refused to sleep on my bed. Yesterday, she smelled of poo and I could hardly get near her and kicked her off the bed because she was making me gag. More hard feelings. Then, add Tia and Tiff and a much-needed bath, along with the “punishment” of having stay inside until she dried, and you have a very sad puppy. Now she’s curled up on one of the shirts I was wearing today and I love her so much I want to hug her and hug her, but I don’t want to wake her. Sometimes she’s too perfect.

The boy situation has become incredibly frustrating. What in the world posses me to fall in love with these little boys?

I’ve got ‘evil empire’, ‘this desert life’ and ‘post’ on shuffle in my cd player. Quite an interesting mix.

I’ve got to get my head straightened out.

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phat link of the day: FNX RADIO NETWORK…Leftover Lunch, baby!

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Mantra of the day…”keep it simple…”

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Was going to write…ended up spending 20 minutes comforting Krissy, who does not like having to sleep downstairs alone…too tired…sleep

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