Random tunes, baby
Rhapsody Playlist:
1. Ghost Train – Gorillaz
2. The Back Of Love – Echo & The Bunnymen
3. Stereo – Pavement
4. Triad – Jefferson Airplane
5. Disenchanted – Everything But The Girl
6. Please Me Like You Want To – Ben Harper
7. My Sweet One – Phish
8. Mojo Pin – Jeff Buckley
9. Mmm Skyscraper I Love You – Underworld
10. Obstacle 1 – Interpol
11. Slow Marimbas – Peter Gabriel
12. Let Go – Frou Frou
13. Nature Is The Law – Richard Ashcroft
14. Sunday 8PM – Faithless
15. Follow The Light – Travis
16. Flowers In The Window – Travis
Archive for June, 2005
Poll: Disapproval of Bush at high point
Someone once said to me–the tide is turning. People are waking up. The dark side is starting to fade.
The number of Americans disapproving of President Bush’s job performance has risen to the highest level of his presidency, according to the CNN/USA Today/Gallup poll released Monday.
Nothing much to report.
Monday’s are always…interesting. Never sure what’s going to happen. Found some extremely cheap seats on Southwest for tickets to go to Florida to go see me sister. Very exciting.
Yeah, like I said.
Random mix for Monday, June 26th
Rhapsody Playlist:
1. Roygbiv – Boards of Canada
2. Character Zero – Phish
3. Neon Wilderness – The Verve
4. Dreddoverboard (DJ Food Mix) – Nightmares On Wax
5. Last Goodbye – Jeff Buckley
6. Flight ‘96 – Chavez
7. Don’t Look Back In Anger – Oasis
8. 6′1′ – Liz Phair
9. Weigh – Phish
10. Forgiven – Ben Harper And The Innocent Criminals
11. Get Up Stand Up – Bob Marley
12. Everloving – Moby
13. Amber – 311
14. Posters – Jack Johnson
15. Pebbles And Marbles – Phish
16. 5/4 Five Four – Gorillaz
17. Ego Tripping At The Gates Of Hell – The Flaming Lips
18. In My Bones – Groove Armada
19. Wood Cabin – Saint Etienne
20. Heavy Things – Phish
21. We Come I – Faithless
22. Flutter Girl – Chris Cornell
Random playlist for Sunday, June 25th
Random playlist for Sunday, June 25th:
1. White Ladder – David Gray
2. Gasoline – Audioslave
3. 12D3 – Gorillaz
4. Velvet Morning – The Verve
5. Kiss That Frog – Peter Gabriel
6. Inside – Moby
7. D.J.s – Sublime (Punk)
8. Ashes – Ben Harper
9. Waves – Hooverphonic
10. Lose That Girl – Saint Etienne
11. Born Slippy (NUXX) – Underworld
12. Swingers – Faithless
13. Harmonic – Hex (Ambient)
14. Gone – Jack Johnson
15. Foam – Phish
16. Battery In Your Leg – Blur
17. She’s Only Happy In The Sun – Ben Harper
Listening: Love Like Laughter, Central Reservation, Beth Orton
Another Sunday down. 28 more to go.
Uber hot today. Went to the beach with Nickolas, with my 45 SPF and no bathing suit. The Atlantic is too cold this time of year for full blown swimming. Actually, the Atlantic is too cold for swimming almost all the time. We went to a lesser known beach, no boardwalks or arcades to gum up the works. There are so gorgeous houses (read: mansions) in North Hampton. They’re all really old and worth a lot of money, more money than I think I’ll ever want to see. And I know that’s just the tip of the iceberg. There are some houses up in Port Elizabeth, near Portland, that make these look like subsidized housing. The sun was so hot that there was steam rising up off of the wet sand. The dry sand was unbearable and couldn’t wait to dip my feet in the ocean. It actually wasn’t that bad–60-63 degrees. We walked down the beach and let the water suck at our toes. Nick skipped rocks. I waded too deep and got a nice big kiss on the bum before deciding to say “f it!” and went in up to my waist. Who cares if I got my jean skirt soaked? It was fun.
Later, we sat out on the rocks that line the extremely expensive beach bungalows and watches the tide come in. I was watching the rocks that were scattered a long the shoreline. The rocks were left from the last tide and the waves would push them forward and pull them back. Some would stay but other would disappear beneath the rush of sand and foam.
I sat there thinking, how like life. How like MY life. We are all stones. At some point or another, we were thrown into this great ocean of our daily lives. Occasionally we are thrown onto the shores of something new. Some of us manage to stay. Some of us return to the ocean. Over and over and over again it happens.
Did I mention I can’t wait to move?
full moon california
listening: Stash, Picture of Nectar, Phish
The sun was setting tonight, at like 10 o’clock, which is amazing. Still light out, still warm. It was cold last night (and I even wrote last night and was such a tard that I erased it on accident), but tonight it’s warm and syrupy. Maybe this is what California is like all year round. `Course I have no idea since I’ve NEVER been there. But I can imagine. Imagine that everything is perfect there.
Extremely strange astral weather lately. Yesterday was a lazy day. Neil came up Saturday night and I didn’t go to be until almost 5 in the morning. I had thrown Better Living through Circuitry and fell asleep right around when they started talking about Carl Cox…I think…and woke up to the DVD menu music. Tried to sleep on the couch but managed to get upstairs and fall into bed, not before staring out my window, watching the sky go from electric blue to lavendar, realizing in my blurry mind as I fell asleep that the sun was coming up. Woke up too early, roommate and I witnessed a full blown domestic disturbance in the parking lot behind our house. Did the nosy thing by running upstairs to see if we could get a better view. At the grocery store, a couple walked by us, arguing and the girl finally hissed “GOD, just stop TALKING to me!”.
Slightly hilarious, as we, roommate and I, were getting along famously, unlike every day other day of the year. And the good, strange mood as carried over onto a Monday. Work went quick and then we were home again. I don’t know if it’s the weather or not.
Coworker went to Keene for training last week and brought me back a map of the Monadnock Region. It’s very cartoony, with all the little towns mapped out. I love it. I hung it up under my Costa Rica map and meditate on it when I want to run screaming from the building.
Interesting mix from rhapsody tonight, check it out [note to self: buy a bloody mp3 player, bitch!]:
random mix 6/20/05:
“1. Stash – Phish
2. Galactic Funk (Tau Ceti Mix) – DJ Spooky
3. Rosenberg – Gus Gus
4. Down With Disease – Phish
5. Dream Brother – Jeff Buckley
6. Black Metallic – Catherine Wheel
7. America – M83
8. Tesko Suicide – Sneaker Pimps
9. Ripple – Grateful Dead
10. The Farm – Jefferson Airplane
11. Situations – Jack Johnson
12. World Of Two – Cake
13. Pitch The Baby – Cocteau Twins
14. Dirty Boots – Sonic Youth
15. Cherry – Ratatat
16. We Walk The Same Line – Everything But The Girl
17. Dark & Long (Dark Train) – Underworld”
glorious
listening: It’s For You, Out Hud <via The Blue Room @ BBC>
Ah, lovely day. Warm enough to have to windows open, not the sweltering, dripping heat we had last weekend. Windows open, music cranked (verrry funky stuff), Neil on the way up (Nick mysteriously missing–Nick, where ARE you?), lovely house all to myself.
Nudging (word I made up–means poking about) around the web this afternoon. Downloaded some mixing software, as I’ve had a kickass little mix in my head for a couple of days. Need to get it out of my head and onto “paper” so to speak.
This made me laugh out loud into my empty apartment..as did this…aren’t I jolly this afternoon…
So I’m moving back home in less than seven months. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about it. What it’s going to be like, what I’m going to do. Keene is a much simpler place. People don’t seem as fake and there’s a general good feeling there. Manchester is just so abrasive.
And my hobbit name would be Marigold Loamsdown of Deephallow.
My elf name would be Nerwen Carnesîr. It’s so nice to know someone out there is a bigger dork than I. I think I’m going to legally change my name to Nerwen.
Gee…do you think marijuana leads to short attention span.
Personally, I think it’s television.
When is Olo Moss of Lake-By-Downs going to get here?
I crack myself up.
I dreamed we were there.
I dreamed we were there. The plane leapt the tropopause, the safe air, and attained the outer rim, the ozone, which was ragged and torn, patches of it threadbare as old cheesecloth, and that was frightening. But I saw something that only I could see, because of my astonishing ability to see such things: Souls were rising, from the earth far below, souls of the dead, of people who had perished, from famine, from war, from the plague, and they floated up, like skydivers in reverse, limbs all akimbo, wheeling and spinning. And the souls of these departed joined hands, clasped ankles, and formed a web, a great net of souls, and the souls were three-atom oxygen molecules, of the stuff of ozone, and the outer rim absorbed them, and was repaired. Nothing’s lost forever. In this world, there’s a kind of painful progress. Longing for what we’ve left behind, and dreaming ahead. At least I think that’s so.
Many strange sad thoughts this afternoon. Angels in America was on HBO, the last part and as usual, I sat and watched. That movie…it’s not just a movie. It’s horrifically painful and beautiful, wrenches your heart from your chest and makes your brain spasm and recoil with thought after thought.
My mother said something to me this week. Something that I haven’t been able to shake since she’s said it, that’s rotated in my mind like a song in a jukebox, day after day after day.
“Are you friends with [them] because you are trying to hold on to David?”
Now, if you know me, or if you’ve read a few past posts, you will know, and now know, that David was my uncle, my mother’s youngest and half brother. He was gay. He had AIDS.
He died.
In simple words, that is who he was. In unsimple, complicated, messy words–he was my uncle and I loved him with a raging, burning heart. He was an amazing person. He did amazing things. He had an amazing voice.
Yet he died a horrible death, literally rotting away in front of me until his lungs could no longer push breath and he choked to death on his own fluids in the middle of the night in January of 1995.
No human being, no living person should be sentenced that kind of death. To die in the dark, alone. No God, no kind and generous God, no benevolent God would let that happen to someone who sang in His choir, sang “Oh Holy Night” during Christmas Eve services so clearly and beautifully that I can STILL hear him—and I’m not even straining to listen.
He was my champion, my hero, my friend, my closest family member. Someone who I felt could understand, who understood me, who saw in me what I thought no one could see.
And yet, he died. Ten years ago in fact. Ten years. Since then–well, I’m a grown up. I’m not fifteen. I’m not confused. I’m not afraid.
And I certainly do not confuse my dear, dear friends with my dear, dear departed uncle.
Of course, I understand her fear. Why would a normal straight girl want to be around homosexual males? What does she gain from it? Is she using them to regain the uncle she lost, who she didn’t have enough time with?
Because if she is, that isn’t fair.
Such questions from my mother’s mouth, in her voice, cutting me like razor blades.
I do not struggle with delusions that my friends are really my dead uncle. I do believe in reincarnation–but that’s ludicrous. My struggle is to keep David’s legacy alive. His presence has only made me a more caring, understanding, open-minded, available person.
It hasn’t made me crazy.
And yes, there are occasions, like at the end of Angels in America when I weep for him. Like my heart is breaking. Because I would have liked to have known him in this world, my adult world. I would have very much liked for him to have known me. I would very much liked to have him see the person I’ve become, instead of clinging to me one night a few weeks before he died, holding me so tight I couldn’t breath, whispering about how much he wanted to see me grown, graduated, adult. I would have liked for him to still be here.
But he isn’t. So there will be times that I will still miss him with my entire being, will cry for him, will feel a great quivering loss for my uncle and my friend.
And there’s nothing wrong with that.
“This disease will be the end of many of us, but not nearly all. And the dead will be commemorated, and we’ll struggle on with the living, and we are not going away. We won’t die secret deaths anymore. The world only spins forward. We will be citizens. The time has come.”
All quotes from this post were taken from “Angels in America”
release
listening:Staralfur, Agaetis Byrjun, Sigur Ros
release.
Yes, finally sweet release. Like something has been lifted from me.
I am moving home.
